# Exactly words for your conversation

1. 从对方角度出发（just out of curiosity, I am guessing you haven’t got around to, The good news is, don’t worry, I bet you are a bit like me, if I can will you? Most people, Before you makes your mind up, Simple swaps),
2. 从画面感出发（just imagine,How would you feel if?），
3. 从科学角度出发（what do you know? what makes you say that? Enough? What happens next )

## 103. How would you feel if?

102. Just Imagine 一个是人的直觉，一个是想象 A word that gets thrown around like confetti in conferences is “motivation,” yet still, when I ask my audiences to share with me what the word means, all I see in response are blank faces. It is the meaning of this word that creates the true base for understand-ing all areas of negotiation influence and persuasion, and you should explore it further if you would like to perform at your peak. Put simply, understanding this word would mean that you could probably get just about anybody to do just about anything. The word motivation derives from two very common words forced together. The first part of the word, the “motiv-” part, is derived from the Latin word “motivus,” the modern-day translation of which is “motive.” Another word for motive is “reason.” The “-ation” part of the word derives from “action,” and if somebody is going to take action, they are going to do something or move. This means that a vesimple definition of motivation is “a reason to move” or “a reason to do.” Now ask yourself this: would it be fair to say that if the reason were big enough, you could get just about anybody to do just about anything?

If you want people to do things that typically they do not want to do, first you need to find an honest reason that is big enough. Understanding what reasons are big enough means you have to understand how people are motivated. People are motivated by one of two things: either avoiding a loss or acquiring a potential gain. They either want to go toward the light, the good thing that they are looking for, or they want to get away from the thing that could potentially hurt them. The real world tells us that people will work far harder to avoid a potential loss than they will to achieve a potential gain. Greater than that is the fact that the more contrast you can create between where somebody does not want to be and where they hope to be, the more likely you are to get people to move. Understanding the truth of motivation, coupled with this next point, gives you real context for this set of Magic Words.

The second thing you must consider is whether people base their decisions on emotion or logic. The true answer to that question is, in fact, both; it is just that the decision is always made for emotive reasons firs The real world tells us that people will work far harder to avoid a potential loss (大多数人还是害怕失去)than they will to achieve a potential gain.

Something has to feel right before it ever makes sense. I am sure you have stepped away from a conversation confused about why the other person did not follow your advice and have wondered, “I don’t know why they don’t do it. It just makes sense for them to do it.” If you are trying to win the argument based on your advice making sense, you are calling out to the wrong set of reasons. People make decisions based on what feels right first. If you can make it feel right, the rest is easy(第一感觉特别特别重要).

Understanding those two complex theories is the foundation for this set of Magic Words, and it is all brought together in a preface to a question. By introducing a future scenario with the words, “ How would you feel if...?” you allow the other person to time travel to that moment and imagine the emotions that would be triggered at that point. Choosing moments that trigger both positive and negative emotions will allow you to create a truth worth changing for. It will also prepare others to accept your ideas on how to help them achieve success or avoid loss. What you then create is a conditional future-facing scenario, something they can see for themselves. EXAMPLES Examples might be something like…

• How would you feel if this decision led to your promotion?
• How would you feel if your competition passed you?
• How would you feel if you turned this around?
• How would you feel if you lost everything?

Creating these conditional future scenarios using the words, “How would you feel if…?” gets people excited about their future and gives them a reason to move either toward the good news or away from the bad news. Remember, the greater the contrast, the more likely you are to get that someone to move.

## 102. Just Imagine

103. How would you feel if? Did you know that every decision any human makes is made at least twice? The decision is first made in your mind hypothetically before it is ever made in reality.

In fact, for a decision to come true, you must have first at least imagined yourself doing it. Have you ever been in a situation in which you have said, or even justmouthed, these words back to somebody else: “I just couldn’t see myself doing that”? It is a literal thing. If you cannot see yourself doing something, the chances of you doing it are slim to none. People make decisions based on the images they see in their minds, so if you can place pictures in people’s minds, then you can use the results of those images to influence their decisions. Creating pictures in the minds of others is done by telling stories. We remember as children many a good story that started with the words, “Once upon a time…” When we heard those words, we knew it was time to kick back, enjoy the moment and embrace our imagination while someone used words to paint a world for us to jump into. It would be really tough to engage adults with that same powerful preface, so you need some Magic Words that create the same picturesque outcome. When you hear the words, “Just imagine,” the subconscious brain kicks a switch and opens up the image viewer, and it cannot help but picture the very scenario you are creating. In the previous section you learned about away motivation and toward motivation. You can apply those same exact rules to how you finish off your “just imagine” scenarios to help drive people to do the things you would like them to do.

EXAMPLES Here are some examples: Just imagine how things will be in six months’ time once you have implemented this. Just imagine what your boss would say if you missed this opportunity. Just imagine the look on your kids’ faces when they see you achieve this. Just imagine the impact this could have. Allowing the power attached to the other person’s creative mind to build your case for you will always save you guessing and can create a more vividreality than anything you could possibly describe. Let them do the hard work. Imagine saying to a team member or prospect, “Just imagine the smiles on your kids’ faces when you tell them you’ve booked a trip to Disneyland,” or, “Just imagine stepping up on stage and picking up that big incentive check,” or, “Just imagine pulling into the driveway in your brand-new car.” As you make those statements, they will see the picture of that very thing happening. Now that they have seen the thing, chances are their belief in achieving it goes through the roof. I mean, just imagine the difference that is going to have for you and your business.

Creating pictures in the minds of others is done by telling stories.

When you hear “Just imagine,(我们一起来想象一下)” the brain pictures the very scenario you are creating.

## 101. just out of curriosity

There is one objection that people give in response to ideas that has always frustrated me. This objection is, “I just need some time to think about it.”

I am not saying that people should feel rushed into decisions. It’s just that my experience tells me this statement rarely means they are heading away to do a detailed analysis of their decision. They are just pushing their decision away to another day.

Apply some context to this, and consider that you have spent time responding to an inquiry, visiting a prospect, getting to know them and listening to their challenges. You then provide them with a detailed set of recommendations as to how you can help them achieve their objectives or overcome their challenges, and in return they provide this vague response that helps none in the discussion to reach closure.

My concern is that it is just not fair. I believe that if you have delivered your part correctly, then the other person at least owes you a little more transparency regarding their thoughts.

On receipt of this reply, I have often found myself wanting to shout, “What is it that you want to think about?” I knew that if they could open up their thoughts to me, then I could probably help. The trouble was, I knew I couldn’t really ask that because it would seem rude or obnoxious. So instead, I hear people in my situation say things like, “It’s okay, no pressure; we are ready when you are ready,” and walk away from the opportunity hoping that time will fix it. This frustration has meant that I have had to find a way of getting a real answer from people by asking rude, obnoxious questions without sounding rude or obnoxious. What Iwant from their response is not a guaranteed commitment, but honesty in the discussion so that we both know what the true obstacles are. What I discovered was that if I preface one of these direct questions with a certain set of Magic Words, then I could change rude and obnoxious into soft and fluffy. By finding a reason for my direct question and gaining permission to ask it, I instantly shift control of the conversation to me. The words I use to do this are, “Just out of curiosity,” and they can be used as the perfect preface to many a direct question. EXAMPLES Examples include… Just out of curiosity(很好奇哈), what is it specifically you need some time to think about? Just out of curiosity, what needs to happen for you to make a decision about this? Just out of curiosity, what is it that’s stopping you from moving forward with this right now?

In each of these examples, what is imperative is that you remain quiet following your question. Silence becomes your friend; you must not prejudge their answer or put words in their mouth. They now know they need to give you a proper answer, and one of two things will happen.

Asking big, brave questions is exactly what you need to do to become a professional mind-maker-upper.

## 100. Most people

First, people take great confidence from the fact that people like them have made a decision before them and that that decision worked out just fine. Consider this scenario, maybe one you have experienced yourself. On vacation, you see a group of children on top of a rock face looking to jump into the water below, but nobody wants to go first. However, as soon as one person is brave enough to go first and jumps into the water, lands with a splash and doesn’t suffer any injury but instead breaks the surface with agreat big smile on their face, now everybody seems to think it is a good idea. Human beings, people, you and I—we all like to follow others and trust that there is safety in numbers. Second, sometimes people need to be told what to do, but without their permission it can sound rude. I am sure there have been plenty of times that you have wanted to say, “What I think you should do is…” “most people” would do in this situation and watch how it changes everything.

When you tell people what most people would do, their subconscious brain says, “Aha, I’m most people, so if that is what most people would do, then perhaps that is what I should do too.

## 99. Before you makes your Mind up

Look, before you make your mind up, let’s make sure we’ve looked at all the facts. Before you make your mind up, why don’t we just run through the details one more time so you can know what it is that you are saying no to? Before you make your mind up, wouldn’t it make sense to speak to a few more people about the difference this could make for you and your family? These simple examples can often move people from a position of no and allow the negotiation to continue by making them look at it from a different perspective. It is this shift in vantage point that then allows you to add alternative information to support your idea and increase your influence over their decision.

## 97. If I can, will you?

Have you ever been in one of those scenarios in which your prospect or customer pushes back with reasons as to why they cannot do the thing you would like them to do?Perhaps they are looking for you to make a change from your standard terms or they would like you to offer an improved price.This same thing appears in our personal lives when people make excuses about why they cannot make it to events or celebrations.

These situations are created by the other person delivering an external condition that is affecting their ability to move forward with your idea. They have removed themselves from the process and abdicated responsibility to something out of their control. You have the power in these situations to isolate this condition and remove the barrier by responding with a powerful question that eliminates their argument. This is achieved by using the question structure, “If I can…, then will you…?” Imagine that you want a friend tojoin you for a night out next Friday. Your friend says the reason they cannot join you is because the car is in for repair and the buses do not run that late. You could eliminate this challenge with the question, “If I can pick you up and drop you off at home, then will you be able to be ready for seven pm?” The same principle can be used when someone is looking for you to reduce your price in line with a competitive offer. “If I can match that price for you, then would you be happy to place the order with me today?” In both of these scenarios, you are still not obligated to meet the condition presented, but you are in controlof what happens next. You may receive further reasons and honesty from the other person that prevents you moving forward, or you may find that you gain their agreement. With their agreement to the condition, you can now present your best option to them and will be far more likely to reach your desired outcome. You have the power in these situations to remove the barrier by responding with a powerful question that eliminates the other person’s argument.

## 96. I’m not sure if it’s for you, But

Opening a statement with the words, “I’m not sure if it’s for you,” causes the listener’s subconscious brain to hear, “There’s no pressure here.” By suggesting that they may not be interested, you naturally increase their intrigue. They wonder what “it” is, and this spike in curiosity hooks them. What’s more, it fires an internal driverthat tells them a decision needs to be made, and the soft approach ensures this decision feels unpressured and internal. The real magic, though, is delivered through the final three-letter word of this sequence, a word that typically should be avoided in all conversations: the word “but.” Imagine receiving a comment from your employer that started with the words, “You know that you’re a really valuable member of the team. We love everything that you do here, but some things need to change.” What’s the only part you would remember? I am guessing the part that you would focus on most is everything that follows “but.” The word “but” negates everything that was said prior, so when you say to somebody, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but…,” what the little voice inside your listener’s head hears is, “You might want to look at this.” When you say to somebody, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but.. .,” the little voice inside your listener’s head hears, “You might want to look at this.”

I’m not sure if it’s for you, but would you happen to know someone who is interested in (insert the results of your product or service)? I’m not sure if it’s for you, but we have plans on Saturday, and you’re welcome to join us. I’m not sure if it’s for you, but this option is available for this month only, and I would hate for you to miss out.）（并不清楚大家周末的安排，但我这里有个安排，邀请大家报价周末的春游）

## 95. Simple Swaps

What questions do you have for me?” “What’s the best number to contact you at you？ When Would Be a Good Time?

## 94. what happens next?

“What happens next is…” This is a perfect way of linking all of the information they need to make a decision, the information you provided when you presented to them, and bringing them through to the completion that needs to follow.So, what you do is create a scene. You do not ask them what they would like to do; you just tell them what happens next.It is your responsibility to lead the conversation, and following the sharing of the required information, your role is to move it toward a close.

## 93. I am guessing you haven’t got ground to

You know the times when you have sent over some details or they have said they needed to consult with someone else, and now you need to make contact to take the next step?When you are fearful that somebody has not done something, instead of asking them how that thing went, you may want to start the conversation slightly differently. Open the conversation by allowing the other person to save face, but also by preventing them from using any of the excuses you think they might use. This leaves them with nowhere to go in the conversation other than whereyou would like them to go. The reason they cannot use the excuses is because you have been bold enough to start the conversation in a way that suggests they were about to use the very excuse they had prepared: by prefacing your question with, “I’m guessing you haven’t got around to...” Imagine you are making a telephone call to someone who said they needed to consult with their partner before making a decision.

If you ask, “I’m guessing you haven’t got around to speaking to your partner yet?” it now becomes impossible for them to use that excuse. Theyrespond in one of two ways: either they feel proud that they have done what they had promised, or they are embarrassed that they haven’t and make a new promise to put right that fact. EXAMPLES Other examples could be… I’m guessing you haven’t got around to looking over the documents yet? I’m guessing you haven’t got around to setting a date yet? I’m guessing you haven’t got around to making a decision yet? By pushing for the negative scenario, you get people to rise to the positive or to tell you how they are going to fix the thing they said they were going to do. By using the words you are fearful they may give you back in the other direction, you create a scenario that completely disarms them. If you say to somebody, “I’m guessing you haven’t got around to making a decision on this yet,” and they say, “No, you’re right. We’re still thinking about it,” you can open up the negotiation. If, instead, they say, “No, we have, and we’ve made a decision,” you can say, “Great, when are we ready to get start ed?” By pushing for the negative scenario, you get them to rise to the positive or to tell you how they are going to fix the thing they said they were going to do, because most people are people of their word and feel pretty bad when they are called out for it.

## 92. I bet you are a bit like me

“I bet you’re a bit like me,” quite often results in the other person comfortably agreeing with what you are saying, providing that you are reasonable. This serves as a wonderful tool to help gather evidence to use in building your later recommendations. My experience has taught me that many customers, prospects and people in general are not always completely honest. Getting them to provide evidence that supports your objective makes it harder for them to disagree with you. You can use this set of words to help avoid many common objections by gaining full agreement with something they may otherwise have tried to use as a future excuse.

I bet you’re a bit like me: you enjoy working hard now, knowing that it willI bet you’re a bit like me: you hate watching trashy TV in the evening and would rather work on something beneficial. I bet you’re a bit like me: you’re a busy person who’s always juggling to get everything done.Slip those kinds of statements into early conversations while holding eye contact with the other person, and just watch them nod back at you. When they do, this means they know that you know they agree with those concepts. This makes it an awful lot harder for them to tell you they have not got the time to do what you demonstrated could give them the things

## 91. The good news is

Now is the time for us to talk about how you can turn around all that negative energy—the negative energy that comes from others in your team, others who you are prospecting or perhaps just other people in your life. These words provide you with a tool to spin a negative into a positive using a technique called labeling. The moment you apply a label to something, it becomes almost impossible for the other person in the conver-sation to shed that label. It is the acceptance of this new label that creates the ability to change the direction of a conversation with minimal effort and move it toward a more positive outcome. Using the Magic Words, “The good news is…” as a preface to your chosen point ensures that the recipient has to accept the label you have attached to it. This optimistic spin can help you face negativity in your life, prevents you from ending up in a self-sabotaging conversation of blame and pity and helps you start to build in a new direction. If somebody is questioning their ability to do something, then you can respond with, “Look, the good news is that we have dozens of people who were in exactly the same situation when they first started, and they have gone on to be successful and are here to support you, too.” If they are unsure whether they have got the skills that are required in order to make the business work, you could say, “ The good news is that we have com-prehensive training you can complete at your own pace to give you all the skills you need to make a success of this business.” What about when somebody is resisting change but says they wantmore success? You could respond with, “The good news is you already know that what you are doing now is not working, so what is the harm in trying this?” By prefacing things with, “The good news is…,” you cause people to face forward with optimism and zap any negative energy out of the conversation. By prefacing things with, “The good news is...,” you cause people to face forward with optimism and zap any negative energy out of the conversation.You can use this same principle with two more words when faced with people who give excuses or reasons as to why they are not ready to move forward. When somebody gives you an excuse, they expect you to push back and argue around that point. Next time somebody tells you a reason why they do not want to do something, respond by saying, “That’s great.” When somebody says, “I couldn’t do it because of this,” say, “That’s great, you’ve just found out another way that doesn’t work,” and watch how they look at you differently. You have changed the way that they think. Now,some of them might think that you have completely lost it, but hey, you probably did not want those people in your life anyway. By bringing more positivity to situations with, “The good news is...” and responding with, “That’s great,” you soon start shifting the balance in people’s thoughts and allow them to question themselves toward a better outcome and behavior.

### Don’t worry

You know when you can see and feel the anxiety in somebody, when they are uncertain about what to do next or perhaps even fearful. These two Magic Words provide instant relief, and you can typically see the change in the recipient. Say the words, “Don’t worry,” and the tension just pours out of them as they become more relaxed. Just two words that, when said confidently and calmly, create an outcome that is the equivalent of the expression “Phew!”—that little sigh that comes out as they start to feel in control.

Don’t worry（没事，一切都好）. You’re bound to be nervous right now. Don’t worry, I know you don’t know what to do right now, but that’s what I’m here for. I’m here to help you through this process and overcome all the hurdles as they crop up along the way. Don’t worry. I felt just the way you feel right now before I started, and look at me now. So, don’t worry if you’re wonderinghow you’re going to make all these new word choices stick. They will come in time, and you will have soon mastered it after getting a little better from one conversation to the next. “Don’t worry” is particularly useful in high-stress scenarios, when confronted with someone who is panicked—it puts people at ease.

## 90. what make you say that?

or what makes you do that? 他是一个完整的句子 or what makes you think that? or what makes you stop? 89. what do you know?则是一个不完整的句子，他需要结合具体场景，完成对一次争论的控制 the majority of people are happy to let go of their goal in favor of an easy life. The customer says, “I need to speak to somebody else before I make a decision about this.” You say, “What makes you say that?” The customer says, “Really, I don’t have all the money right now.” You say, “What makes you say that?” The customer says, “I’m really not sure I’ve got the time to fit this in around

what I’m doing right now.” You say, “What makes you say that?” This shift of control now leaves the other person obligated to give an answer and fill in the gaps in their previous statement. It prevents you from making prejudgments or entering into an argument, and it allows you to better under-stand their point of view before recommending a next thought or action. What you are asking them to do is to explain themselves properly. The words, “What makes you say that?” mean they now have to take responsibility and explain what they really mean. Having this explained properly puts you in a position in which you can then help them with their decision or at least have a greater understanding of why they cannot make it at this time.

## 89. what do you know?

How often do you find yourself in a conversation that quickly becomes a debate because you are speaking with someone who thinks they know best and perhaps even wishes to lecture you with their opinions? move the other person’s position from one of certainty to one of doubt.

Typically people try to create this position of uncertainty through directly challenging the other person’s opinion and perhaps even entering into an argument. I am sure you have had moments when you have been frustrated by someone’s inability to understand what you are saying and flustered that you cannot overcome their preconceptions. This can happen regularly when you are trying to introduce new ideas or concepts, and the “I know best” mentality of many people can be difficult to overcome. the “I know best” mentality of many people is to question the knowledge on which the other person’s opinion was founded. I am certain that you want to stop people from arguing with you, so this situation could regularly result in you backing down or walking away. For an opinion to have merit, however, it really should be founded on some form of knowledge. The best way to overcome this kind of conflict is not to win the argument; instead, you must question the knowledge on which the other person’s opinion was founded. The goal is to turn the situa tion into one in which the other person admits that their opinion was based on insufficient evidence, while retaining the ability for them to save face in the conversation. It is the power in the preface, “What do you know about…?” that softly threatens their knowledge base and forces them to share the reference on which their argument is based. Often this results in them realizing their strong opinion was unfounded. EXAMPLES Examples you could use in the real world are… What do you know about us, our business and the way we do things differ ently? What do you know about everything that has changed since (insert event)? What do you know about how things really work here? What do you know about the benefits of (insert product sector)? These questions allow the other person to realize their opinion is perhaps not correct, and they can quickly become far more receptive to change.

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##### 叶昭良
###### Engineer of offshore wind turbine technique research

My research interests include distributed energy, wind turbine power generation technique , Computational fluid dynamic and programmable matter.